His eyes were unblinking…black with hate. Moments earlier irritated with a normal circumstance, he had angrily spouted off. My defense had verbally turned a light switch from irate to instant rage.
I didn’t see it coming. My indignant response had poked a deep wound I didn’t know existed, and the bear went from growling to snarling and threatening in mere seconds. I rarely crossed paths with him and didn’t know him well enough to realize my words had poked a wound of fear. Fear is possibly the most powerful motivator behind offense.
The expletives, curses, and threats roared in my ears while shock, anger, and indignation coursed in tears down my face on the drive home. My husband was angry at this man who hurt me and his protective nature felt safe. I was justified in avoiding this ticking time bomb and in responding the way I had in defense. Or was I? I didn’t know. For a while, I didn’t care. He deserved to be hurt even though I didn’t intend to.
Have you ever experienced and tried to understand the extreme imbalance of the reaction you received to a position you took, a statement you made, or an unintended offense? It doesn’t make sense no matter how much you try to figure it out. It won’t. A barely simmering person who lashes out in boiling rage cannot be reasoned with or rationalized. I knew there was no way that hate—those cutting words—were really meant for me.
When an offense occurs and was not realized as being hurtful and knowingly forgiven—regardless of whether or not it was intentional—the wound will not heal with time. It’ll fester; it’ll be covered, and the hurting person will look and act pretty normally. But someone will inadvertently poke or bump the still agitated wound and the reaction will not make sense. Beware poking that bear.
But I’ve been that bear. I’ve been the one dishing out cutting words, reactive indignation, and proud self-righteousness. I didn’t know I hadn’t forgiven. I didn’t know I didn’t grieve the loss and rejection. I thought it was behind me but it wasn’t…until I surrendered to Grace.
There was nothing left but to say, “I’ve prayed and prayed that you would change them and these circumstances. You haven’t and I’m miserable. Change me, God. Search my heart.” It was the prayer that broke chains and sprouted hope all in one breath of surrender.
Not even an hour after returning home that day, I knew what I was supposed to do. I was reminded of God’s grace…for me. Grace is simply love and mercy poured out on us while we were still in rebellious sin. If we can’t recognize that time period, we have not yet received Grace. It’s a realization that no matter how wonderful our childhood…how good we have been…there isn’t an ounce of our behavior in the past, present, or future that is deserving of that outrageous grace. Not one single sacrifice or deed. I had to go back to the guy that was a jerk and pour out some of that that I was freely given. Grace—undeserved love and mercy. He didn’t deserve it. Neither did I. I’d lived hurting and hating (by the way, the definition of hate is a strong and passionate dislike…ever hated anyone?) and had to repent of that. Before I did, I hurt others because that’s what hurting people do.
Receivers of grace? They pass it on. They can’t help themselves because they’re so overwhelmed that they received so great a gift. You can pick these people out of a crowd because of the way they honor others in their speech. The way they treat others as if they were all siblings in God’s family and sat and ate at the same table together every day.
My apology was heard but not returned. It didn’t really matter though. It didn’t matter that his reaction was one hundred times worse than my action. What mattered was my relationship was reconciled with God by forgiving him and a hurting man got to see that we stand on equal ground in desperate need of Him. I’d accepted amazing grace. If we haven’t, it’s gonna show. Big time. Our reaction of love and forgiveness is not going to align with the hurtful offense. You might look crazy, but you might be showing crazy grace that a person has never seen before. This was one of the times I understood the hymn lyrics, “Freely. Freely. You have received. Freely. Freely. Give” My step was lighter and my heart felt free.
Only those who realize how much they have stood in the need of grace are able to receive it and only those who have received it are able to give it. When you are running on empty, there is nothing to give. When you are awed by the gift, you become so grateful to the Gift-Giver that you can’t help but pass it along.
My heart is grieved to see the attitudes and pride among even those from my own anabaptist upbringing—and the many that identify as followers of Christ. I was raised in a culture of nonresistance; turning the other cheek was taken literally. Honor was given to those in leadership—especially spiritual leadership, and Christ-like deference was given in the literal sense.
Regardless of cultural upbringing, we are all known as Christ-followers by the way we love each other. And when that love is not deserved? It’s called grace…that thing we are so full of that it pours out supernaturally. The actions of unbelievers are not concerning to me…when we haven’t yet accepted the sacrifice, what is the motivation in laying ourselves down? But when I have (or claim) to have accepted the ultimate sacrifice of Grace, and yet the slander, inability to respectfully debate in comments on social media, character assassination, and proud “Get woke, people!” looks as inconsistent as that reaction of rage I received that day. It sure doesn’t look like love to me. I don’t know why I haven’t seen this family feud before, but it’s painfully obvious now as it’s poking the wounds of fearful Christians.
Fear is a powerful agent, and if Perfect Love casts out fear, I wonder often who is winning this feud in God’s family? I flip-flop between anger and sadness as I see almost daily evidence of the enemy gaining ground before I remember….Hey, the battle has already been won!
Grace. You can’t give it unless you’ve received it. Who needs that undeserving grace today in your life, my friend? Shock the socks off of them if you must, but make it amazing…Amazing Grace.
Grace-giving ideas:
1. When you hear things or see social media posts or comments you disagree with, take just a second and ask yourself if someone has given you grace in your life that exceeds what you’re about to give before responding. If you still feel a need to post or respond, keep the comment solely based on the issue; avoid making it personal by speaking only about the issue. (Calling people sheep is not commenting on the issue. Respectful debate causes people to think; disrespect causes contention.)
2. Remember our leaders in prayer. If ever a time to lead has been difficult, it looks impossible now. I think of the slander against pastors who seek the face of Jesus constantly for guidance on leadership decisions and positions, and it will be a lose-lose situation because we—the church body—are in a great divide. Honor their dedication, sacrifice, and position by searching your own heart. Are you humble and willing to consider your own view may not be biblical? If you’re positive it is, is it a salvation issue or can you agree to disagree without contempt? Encourage. Text, cards, meals, words….so many ways to say “we’re family”. And if you’re inclined to pray readily for the president and that you get your choice into the White House in the upcoming election, then pray for those that “persecute you” such as those inconsistent, “tyrannical” leaders too. The mandate to pray for our leaders was based in a time of evil tyrannical leadership after all—Nero—look him up. School administrators, business owners, fathers…so many leaders to pray for.
3. Shut it down. Turn it off. The phone, the laptop and TV. Check your truth with Scripture. Surround yourself with those that challenge you and encourage you to speak truth (or your lens of it) in love.
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35
Love this so much!!!