“If you loved me you would stop making me late or (fill in the blank) because you know I hate it. If you cared enough, you would change it.”
“If you really loved me for me, you’d stop trying to guilt trip me and accept me for who I am!”
“If you really love other people more than yourself, you would wear a mask to protect me; I wear one to protect you.”
“If you knew the freedom that’s at stake by following mandate’s from a governor ruling with hypocrisy and inconsistencies, you’d stop being a sheeple!” By the way, shouldn’t that be goat people to be offensive to God’s people? He calls us His sheep all the time!)
I’m so over the whole mask thing; I’m so done with every single thing related to Covid-19. I’m pretty sure we can all agree on that one point. The exposure of some glaring human flaws in me during some tumultuous years in our marriage, I suddenly realized, were being revealed again as I participated in the mask debate. It’s neither the mask mandate that’s to blame any more than you can blame a marriage. But one thing is absolutely certain—marriage and the mask order have exposed something alarming in me.
It’s much scarier than a virus.
It’s more frightening than the people that ignore a Covid treatment suggestion given by the President that might have saved thousands of lives simply because they hate the President.
It’s more frightening than losing even some freedoms…and we all know that’s terrifying.
It’s the widening divide between people claiming to be one body. It’s the splintering offense occurring at a rapid rate of destruction that seems beyond repair. It’s the inability to be unified with our eyes on a common goal, and it’s a disheartening representation of Christ in us to a watching world…a world who is aware we are walking through some of the last days as prophesy continues to be fulfilled. They are wondering if it’s possible to live without fear while giving a supernatural, grace-filled love to others who are not on the same side.
Can we speak truth in love when we are afraid our liberties are being stolen? Will we keep our eyes locked on the mission of the church to share the hope of the gospel, or will we become distracted because we’ve begun to lose sight that those with differing opinions do not need to be proven wrong?
We’ve had those days in marriage too. I read it in the Bible, ya know, how he should treat me and love me. He should love me as Christ loves the church. (Never mind that God never said to give me flowers for no reason and let me know when he’s late for dinner.) I tried my best to convince him how he needs to love me so I feel loved. I had lots of facts to back me up. I had passion. (Did I ever!) I had a strong defense and was positive I was right, and sometimes I stooped really, really low. I attacked his character. My goal was to get him to understand my way and what was quite obvious to me, the right way.
You can give me a thousand reasons—as porous as the cute fabric masks— why you don’t think they protect others. You can share video posts from medical professionals, insanely low effectiveness rates against the transmission of virus, and more data proof than I need that you are right. I’ll probably agree with you on most of it. You can show me how our state’s governor can’t be trusted because of unbelievable hypocrisy. I’ll definitely agree. You can talk to me about how our freedoms are at stake. I’ll nod my head. Then you might say the church is under attack. This is where I’ll sit up straight, and start interrupting you because I’ll be so excited that the focus of our conversation is now narrowed in to our biggest, scariest problem. But, how I think it’s under attack might be different than the way you do if you think it’s merely our freedoms under attack. Freedom to worship, yes. Victorious battles are won when the enemy rises up from a source that no one guarding. Scarier than a tiny virus that can destroy a respiratory system is a deadly immune response where the body literally attacks and destroys itself.
That’s what I think a marriage and the mask mandate have in common. Neither one is the actual problem, but when the focus of unity in a marriage or in the body of Christ is ignored, we will self destruct. Cunning and wise as a servant, it’s obviously a pretty victory. We are looking outward to those that obviously want to destroy two precious images of Christ: marriage and the church.
We’re missing something not so obvious, but possibly more dangerous. We attempt to convince others why they are wrong and we are right. Regardless of whether it’s a way we want to be treated in a marriage or because of our decision to wear—or not to wear—a mask. In both instances of disagreement it starts with a simple inward examination, “Search me and change me, God.”
We are fools if we think name-calling, character assassination, and righteous indignation will somehow result in a disagreeable person saying, “Hey! I want to be on your team! I want what I see in you that I don’t have.” (By the way I tried it and have proof it doesn’t work. 😉) In the same way, spiritual shaming with Bible verses might trigger spiritual abuse. In the past I have heard many stories of preachers doing exactly that.
Please stop that. There is nowhere that reads, “If you love your spouse, you will avoid her pet peeves to show her you care.” Nowhere in scripture does it say, “Love one another by wearing a mask.” What God speaks of is taking the log out of your own eye before poking fun at a speck in another’s eye. He speaks frequently about the absolute necessity of humility and unity in the body sent into a mission to represent Himself. Shaming will not benefit our cause.
How are you handling these discouraging times? I’ve done my share of posting “proof” on social media and arguing for what I believe is the proof of hidden dangers in this time. It became so hard to engage and the constant I am right and you are wrong! argument was seriously killing some joy in my life, so I took a couple practical steps attempting to keep my eyes focused on the real mission: unity in relationships and sharing the hope of the Gospel. I’d love to hear what is working for you!
1. I have one social media platform that I struggle to not get sucked in to debate, hard feelings about posts and articles shared, and a desire to share what I believe is the Truth. A friend suggested Settings > Screen Time > App Limits. I’ve found if I only have a short block of time, I skim over comments, posts, and articles that I really don’t want to engage in.
2. Think before sharing and commenting. Don’t believe for a second that what we share will change the minds and opinions of others. Most of us have researched to the nth degree, and are pretty firm on our beliefs. I’ve started asking myself “Will this help someone?” and “Does this encourage and share hope?” God knows that cuts out 90% of my social media shares! 😅
3. Keep the focus on the mission. Always. Know these current events are also dangerous because they are distractions. Remember… the enemy is cunning and we are not as wise as we think. If he can instigate a battle where we focus on a bomb coming from a distance, we lose sight of guarding our hearts among each other and he’ll have a hey day as we turn on and destroy each other while simultaneously destroying the image of Christ.
4. Unity is more important than being right and relationships are more important than our defense. Let go of your need to be right. It’s pride and it looks just as ugly in print as it does coming from our mouths. Repent every time you feel indignation rise up.
5. Speak truth in love. Never have I heard of condescending speech and a resulting joining of the other side. Show me respect, and I’ll take notice of your opinion because it’s rare and I’ll probably listen to what you have to say. I’m appalled at how those of us who call ourselves believers comment in the same name-calling, character attacking way as unbelievers. We leave out the F-bomb and that’s sometimes the only difference. Truth in love, my friends. Speak it humbly, and your words will command respect.
Now, a little shocker just for fun. I wore a mask to church today. I’m mostly an AM (anti-masker) so did I violate my stance by appearing as a PM (pro-masker)? By the way, I’m purposefully using those labels because we’ve already labeled each other in many harmful ways, and this is one of them. I don’t think I did. I wasn’t wearing it “for you, because you’re wearing it for me” and I wasn’t technically wearing it because of the new mask mandate. I was wearing it simply in and out of the worship service for one reason: the Biblical mandate that commands us to meet together to worship. I don’t know if it’ll make a bit of difference. I don’t care if you wore one or not, and it doesn’t matter to me at all. My perspective is that if following an order into a place of worship helps keep the attack off my church family’s house, I’d wear one in and out each Sunday for a year. I don’t want church doors closed ever again, and if it helps to keep the doors wide open? Mission accomplished.
Step out in humility and speak Truth in love as you share hope today! Keep your eyes on the goal, focus on the mission—whether bare-faced or covered—stay the course! You are loved, my friend.