When Prayer Doesn’t Change Him, Her Or Anything

What makes you feel hopeless? When your brain feels ready to explode after reading every stinkin’ marriage, parenting, or financial peace book you can find, only to try to put the professional advice to work, and it doesn’t make a difference? How about praying for your man to finally have his eyes opened to the truth that as his wife you’re dying inside to be adored as he turns to porn again, pleading with God for your wife to understand your needs, or to become that patient, loving mom to the child with the will of dynamite that will someday give testimony that all he’s become he gives credit to his praying mother…..or maybe prayers to live without the financial burden of debt and stress that we’re so positive isn’t God’s will? When you’ve not only taken the advice everyone is so ready to dish out, but also prayed dents in your floor….pentecostal-shake-up-the-wall prayers so your kids want to know who in the world you’re talking to….but every day is the same as the day before–do you want to give up on prayer?

At least we can call it giving up on prayer because it doesn’t sound as bad as giving up on God. The prayers were for the cancer cells to shrink; no, the only thing shrinking is faith that God is hearing and caring?! You’ve been so faithful with those prayer journals, creating bands of prayer warriors in your church and social media, but signs of relational and physical healing are about as nonexistent as cancer appeared to be in Stage 1. No wind of change from the Atlantic to the Pacific. Does the absence of change make you feel like prayer isn’t changing anything?

If you’re an analytical person like me, you’ll try many things to rule out the things that don’t work, hoping to be inspired with the key to answered prayers by another person who got their miracle. Charismatic “amen…yes, Jesus” Christians seem to have something that many of us didn’t have as we grew up not knowing where to put the exclamatory words or how to raise our hands. Quiet prayer or recitations (I still do not get why we sing “….and we thank Him for our food” when we are quite obviously praying to God and not about Him?!) were more popular in my culture but so was a lack of testimonies about answered prayer. Hmm..The War Room prayers might make the difference?! Passionate faith-filled prayers…. “I thank you, Jesus, for what you’re about to do. I know You can explode this mustard sized seed of faith and the world will believe. My loved ones will become followers of you. I believe healing for them. I believe my husband will have his blind eyes revealed to the truth, my kids will honor and respect me, and you will provide blessings of provision above all that we can imagine. Amen and Amen!”

And…..nothing. At least nothing visible. Soon would be nice since the one thousand years that are like a day to God will mean that I’m six foot under for about 925 years before God has experienced a day, right? And please not after our gray hairs multiply like rabbits and we’ve lost hope–soon so we know God really cares, listens and loves us. Oh yes, I am 100% convinced he sometimes doesn’t answer because he hears, cares and loves us too much to allow us to miss a chance for us to change before he answers the prayer that drives us crazy, that hurts too much, and that absolutely is part of God’s will.

I can almost convince myself as I get more passionate in my prayers–my voice drowns out little whispers of doubt that God may not show me the work He is already doing in me, for me and around me. What I really want is to have evidence that God is who he says he is. I’d like some lay-out-the-wool proof that in praying for what I’m convinced is already His will are on the way to emerging into visible and tangible answers. That would be so nice if I could just speak my request for the day into a speaker and be handed the answer along with my iced coffee. I, of course, would be ready with a hearty “Praise God! I had faith God would come through!” and it really becomes once again about me and the idea that God owes me some kind of validation that he is who he says he is and he can do what he says he can do. I become convinced that my faith blossomed because of answered prayers because I prayed them and miss that God has something so much more important than my short-lived happiness in mind. As those persistent and desperate cries of the heart are answered not so quickly, His will is that I become changed in the process. Our minds can tell us he must not really care, or he’d answer.

My perspective has both remain unchanged and changed. I still know that the painful things that break our hearts into silent tears on our pillows are heard and break His heart too. I’m still strongly convinced they are God’s will or I wouldn’t be persistent, become discouraged and inconsistent, and then become renewed again in the importance of persistent prayer. But in many years of praying, losing hope and letting go, praying again, I’ve gained a glimpse of what happens in the middle of the cycle and it is change.

The things that create a hopeless desperation are most often those people and circumstances that we care most about that never. seem. to. change.

The tears of heartache when we have nowhere else to go because the spouse, child, or friend has rejected us so many times that we would be out of our minds to go back to them and have our heart ripped out again… are finally given to God. The desperation to try one more new thing to repair a relationship or seek help is so miserable that there’s nothing left to do but to ask God to take you out of your misery and change you since he obviously is doing nothing to change the situation or the other person. Girl, (or Guy) if you’ve prayed this “Change me, God” prayer in desperation you are beyond your years in wisdom in having your prayers noticeably answered. The prayers of desperation become the persistent prayers. The persistent prayers become perseverance. Humility added to perseverance brings change. Change? Bring it on!

If you care about someone or a situation that feel hopeless and you’ve done everything you can think of to bring change, I get it. I’m preaching to the choir and I’m in the choir. I have those people and specific situations I’ve been praying about for years, yours are probably different than mine but they are a longing of the heart for something more, just the same. I love Luke 18:1-8 because it gives me hope that my persistence will pay off…or pray off. Some of the most painful situations and relationships have been remedied and reconciled. There were times I gave up and said, “__________ is never gonna change.” It felt easier than a cycle of hoping and praying, seeing change, realizing the change was temporary and repeating the never-ending cycle. Then I’d hear stories that gave me great hope of the power of persistent prayer. I’d repent of my lack of faith and restart the cycle.

If you are ready to give up on your marriage and the man/woman you thought you loved, ever having a reconciled or restored relationship, financial peace–absolutely anything you care about deeply– because you have prayed without any sign of an answer on its way, I understand. The days feel so long. So hard. And you come up so empty. I’m sorry for your pain and am without a doubt that God cares for you personally more than you can imagine and is busy working behind the scenes to work everything devastating into something that will be used for good. But, I understand the need to have a visible change to give hope that the here and now isn’t also the there and later. The quiet prayers, the loud passionate prayers, the heartbroken prayers….keep them coming; they’re being heard. The most powerful, simple words that have always gotten noticeable, quick answers were these, “Change me, God.” Don’t do it for this reason, but don’t be surprised to have some of those prayers you’ve been praying for many years to be answered at the same time. Incredibly, by choosing a different perspective on changing, you can change everything. Amen.

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