The few weeks before Thanksgiving had me in a spirit of unthanksgiving of the greatest magnitude I’ve felt in quite awhile. To my husband, I’m a sort of Pollyanna and when I’m struggling to give thanks, it gets ugly. Not ugly like it used to, but nevertheless there’s not a lot of “how yooouuu doin?” like Joey from Friends if that makes sense to you. I’m not light-hearted when I’m in pain, I’m not funny when I’m hurting and my usually optimistic perspective starts clouding over like fogged up glass and I start speaking words of defeat and rejection.
It all started with a sinus infection that I decided had cured its miserable self so I didn’t fill the prescription. A week later I wanted to cut off the left side of my face and throw it away, as far as the east is from the west. (Would I have become two-faced?) My teeth hurt, migraine pain on the left side and my jaw joint felt like it’d been stung by a stinkin’ bee. I filled the prescription. 24 hrs later the pain was worse than ever and a bite of warm soup sent me through the roof, moaning. Dr. Urgent Care said he thinks it’s not a sinus infection but an abscessed tooth and confirmed my suspicions and sent me home with a different antibiotic. I wasn’t thankful for that diagnosis.
I knew this molar would be costly and the dentist confirmed the pretty penny it would cost to keep Penny pretty. However, I’m planning to live many healthy decades with a full set of chompers. My dentist, Dr. Ma, referred me to an endodontist because he felt the diagnostics indicated a more difficult root canal was needed. Hi, Dr. Chang. (I bet Asians have gorgeous smiles?!) I didn’t have a happy smile or a thankful attitude. Pollyanna was missing.
I knew if I was butchering the turkey for our celebration, that turkey would’ve been so thankful it didn’t feel anything. And then I would’ve just felt really bad for all the turkeys and want to promote tofu turkeys. When you serve food that is trying too hard to be something it isn’t, it’s like a person trying to be something he or she isn’t. That would not have gone over well in my family so I did my best to make the most of everything, including a set back of a few days of painful muscle spasms from an old car accident which was caused by a dentist–I’m so dead serious right now– not yielding and rammed into the back of my car, distracted by a football game on his radio and gave me whiplash. (He later died in a freak accident. I’m not kidding.)
Up to this point, I’d been very positive and encouraging about the challenges we are about to face as my hubby goes back to school. It might help that I’m so proud of him and know he’s called to a fulfilling career in EMS as a paramedic. But I was raving about being thankful for God’s provision in the upcoming semesters as he’s heading back to school and told him I will not be shushed.
Wait for it. Here it is.
I was not feeling ANY gratitude. We had another few hard life things happen before my 8 am appointment arrived. As I drove, I was anxious about the procedure and suddenly remembered I don’t need to be thankful FOR everything. “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Jesus.” (1Thess. 5:18) It was time to be thankful IN everything. I prayed as I drove, asking God to have already produced healing. Dr. Chang would smile his beautiful healthy teeth at me and tell me I don’t need a root canal, there’s nothing there! It took me years to realize, but God has shown me he works in ways even my little imagination can’t dream up and so I thanked Him for what he was about to do, even if it wasn’t preventing the root canal.
Several hours later: A text from my realtor hubby with an unexpected home sale contract. His take away amount? Almost exactly what my root canal and the restoration of my tooth cost me. Was I excited? Grateful and thankful? Yes, I’m learning not to limit God in what he can do anymore. Obedience is required and it’s not to thank God for every painful struggle that comes your way. It’s about thanking Him in the struggle.