What do debates about leggings (worn as pants), vaccines and working moms have in common with fractured friendships, broken marriages, and painful church splits? The debates often include a prideful “I am right and I can prove it to you” attitude that splinters at the core of loving unity in all relationships and results in an ugly misrepresentation of Christ.
This disturbing need to prove that “why yes, indeed…those leggings are no different than painted legs and a bare bottom” and “new data has shown your mom guilt should flourish because that eczema rash and autistic behavior is most definitely linked to that poisonous vaccine” and “ooooohh, you STILL work. I’m so blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. I know I can never get those years back!” is evidence of a much bigger problem.
I’m just going to be straight up with you; this is an opinion piece, and I respect YOUR opinion. It’s very likely going to vary from yours and I like that. I do. I can’t begin to imagine how boring this world would be if we all interpreted modesty the same way and walked around cloaked in religious habits and how alarming it would be if everyone was, ya know, dressed in a one-piece Lula Roe legging. (So sorry if I just gave the fashion industry a novel idea.) Also, I don’t want to think about if vaccines were never introduced to the world or, on the flip side, all 154ish vaccines were mandated by the age of five and no one could decide for themselves. I’m so very proud of the women who help their families out financially by going to work. My friend is an RN–soon due with her fourth sweet baby, working long nights, battling pure exhaustion and yet exemplifying motherhood and loving her spouse simultaneously. She is a beautiful example of the Proverbs 31 woman that God has called her to be.
Equally disturbing is the pediatrician that felt I needed to know how ridiculously misinformed I was about the side-effects of vaccines and that a fever and even a seizure could be a totally “normal way” to react to it. Don’t I KNOW how many lives have been saved at the relatively small risk of side effects?! I guess my pea-sized brain just wanted to sift through both facts and misinformation because I don’t believe any question is a stupid one. I still don’t. However, I find no need to prove to you why I am either against vaccines or pro-vaccine. It matters little how many facebook articles I can post to prove my stance is the wisest and informed by how many facts I can get from reliable sources to prove to you that you should or shouldn’t vaccinate because I believe that you love your child with a love that is so deep it’s almost painful, just like I do. You will research, pray and anguish over the right decisions for the ones you love and my pride to be right will not sway you. I believe in you.
Sad are the comments on articles trying to prove that immodesty is wearing this or that…or not wearing this or that. If you want to adhere to Christian principles like modesty, I’m thankful. For you to try to convince and convict that your interpretation is best is to play the part of the Holy Spirit; don’t block Him and amplify evidence that the parts of the body of Christ cannot work together. The church can control by standards, but they can’t control if God is honored in them. If we cannot speak the truth in love, all will be in vain and the one hearing can most definitely be expected to not hear. If we are speaking to an audience and not motivated by God’s love, our words are like an annoying banging cymbal. Likewise, if we’re attempting to convince an audience not motivated by God’s love, we’re wasting our time because our actions and attitude of disunity with other believers are preventing the unity between God the Father and God the Son to be reflected in the church.
If you are called to the world of stay-at-home-dom, that’s wonderful. It’s a life of tremendous blessing and sacrifice. I regularly lock my bedroom door and tell my four children they may not disturb me; that’s how amazing it is. I sometimes love it. I sometimes can’t wait until they’re in bed or to get some fresh air. If your calling is to be both a devoted, loving momma and help out financially or devote time elsewhere, you are my hero too. It’s so hard. An amazing thing I’ve witnessed in you supermoms, you appear to spend the same amount of quality time with your children because your efforts in relationships are intentional, focused and purpose-driven; you have no time to waste. Since I was fourteen years old, I worked in some paid part-time position. I’m not embarrassed, but thankful for the opportunity to be a help-meet to my man in more ways than at home.
The pride that you are in obedience to the life God has called you to, does not negate that God calls us to different journeys and decisions and what is right for you may not be right for someone else. What is most definitely wrong is the disharmony and lack of grace we often give each other. The beauty to those looking into our conflicts is seeing grace, love, and unity of spirit. Don’t be confused by the similar word, uniformity, if God wanted us all to look and act the same — well, you know–he would’ve told us, just like he told us to have this wowing kind of unity in John 17:22: “I have given them the glory you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me before the creation of the world.”
Our problem isn’t our disagreements; it’s the disunity created by divisive pride. Don’t let anyone see your disunity showing. Taking part in an argumentive commentary in articles, judging, harsh accusations along with the pride of needing to be right is having your religious pride showing.
However, it’s absolutely incredible what humility and laying down the need to be right can do for a relationship. Any relationship is drawn closer to reconciliation every single time that right to be right is sacrificed. If it’s God’s will for unity to resolved, it starts with humility from me–and from you. The love and grace you’re showing are proving to those around you the very evidence of God showing Himself. How cool is that?! How can we strengthen that unity and still speak up for truth– a truth that is recognizable as more than strong opinion?
- Prioritize unity within the church. Recognize when the desire is being right and repent of pride.
- Pray for unity. (Don’t ask for people to pray for the person you’re in conflict with–that’s often just gossip and false righteousness–instead, pray for strength to go to the person in love to resolve the conflict.)
- Place a value on unity instead of uniformity and your way.
- Cherish the unique gifts we are given and respect each other. If confrontation is needed, speak the truth in love. This is difficult
but essential in all relationships. - Prioritize the meeting of believers. Go. Put it on your planners. But don’t make it legalistic.
- Resolve to resolve conflicts. Be the first to apologize and ask for forgiveness for your resentment and bitterness. Humility and repentance are the inseparable twins living within the strongest unity!
PS. I’d love to hear from you–challenge me! We are all entitled to our opinions; the challenge is in respectfully discussing them in love. What strengthens unity in your relationships? What areas of relationships would you like to read about?
An opinionated friend,
Cheryl Peachey